does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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