he puts the penis in happiness.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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