Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
