I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize