i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
