she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
