I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
