Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
