were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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