I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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