your parents love me but you hate me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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