Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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