I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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