so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
