drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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