You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
