I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
