I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
