A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
