This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize