the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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