i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
