does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
