The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
