So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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