You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
