Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
