whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
