So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
