I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize