I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
