I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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