glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
