It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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