I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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