Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
