Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
