My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
