I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
