He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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