super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
