I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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