You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
