my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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