she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
