I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
