So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
