My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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