Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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