I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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