i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
