youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My life is pants optional.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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