it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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