Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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