You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
