Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Come on in and take your pants off
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