Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
