Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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