I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk is not a location!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
