how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
