Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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