strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
