he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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