I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
