please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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