she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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