I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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