My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i've created a new STD.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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