this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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