I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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