We're like a lot better than the average bears
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
