I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
NoShamevember. You game?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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