I puked a lego.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
