I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize