I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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